(no subject)

[lenora_rose]

I know why this is hard.

On the one hand, Bird of Dusk is filling up the writing part of my brain. In spite of some minor thoughts on the Serpent Prince popping up (Minor answers to minor problems), this is the story I want to continue with. These are the characters in my head. The plot driving me forward (And there was a little more forward progress than last reported.)

However.

Part of me has become utterly convinced, through various mediums, that this story is NOT going to interest anyone else. It's long. It's unwieldy. It's complex. It's depressing. (Let's see. Rape. Abandonment. Prostitution. Deals with what may as well be a devil, even if it calls itself a dragon. Faerie. A rather nasty love spell. Unusually early onset Schizophrenia - and a number of people could tell me that alone is a place in which to tread carefully. Sacrifices. A cast of characters of which only one major one isn't obviously and patently broken (*anymore* Don't ask about his backstory). And a central theme best described as alienation.) Why would anybody else read this?

Nobody's read it, at least not a draft resembling this one (The ones mom and Corey read lo, many years ago give an idea, but...). Nobody has intentionally come up to me and said. "Give this story up. It's not worth it."

But I've kept reading things mentioned in passing or otherwise on peoples' blogs, about writing theory, their own writing projects, etc. And they either don't apply, or apply entirely wrong.

When I read what I have, there are pieces I love, big and small. But the nagging voice won't go away.

This is different from the usual suck-monkey that hits in the middle of every project, because it's not saying I suck as a writer, or that the writing itself is bad. It's saying, "You write well. Why are you wasting your talent on a book nobody else will want?"

It's saying this is a story without a reader. Which would, if true, make it a story stillborn. A half doesn't survive without the whole.

On the up side, I WANT to get the the university tomorrow and start in on the next pottery pieces I need to make up for plaster casting. Pottery is looking fun and interesting again. (assuming the first plaster cast worked. Assuming I can do with it what I intended.)

So I should go to bed.

Comments

[vilashna.livejournal.com]

I've read some books with some pretty nasty stuff before. Some of them are even books which I reread as part of my favorite series, or because they are still great stories. Most good stories involved hardship, struggle, pain... Theres not much of a story otherwise. The story is partly getting past it, or through it, or dealing with it in whatever way. In some cases the story is about not getting through it and what happens.

If you want some opinions there are some people you can tap to read what you have and give you one.

Don't give up on it.

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

I've read books with a lot of nasty stuff. (One of my favourite recent series starts with one of the two main characters getting raped, framed for a horrible crime, and driven insane. Pretty much all in one.)

It's a matter of proportion, I think. Few are the people who want to read something *Relentless*. (To be fair, this story does relent sometimes. But part of what's bringing this on in this draft is that the tone, already grim, dropped another notch.)

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Oh, and, about the people reading it? I have a really hard time offering up a draft I don't think is finished for a look. I usually have to have hit the end before I look for people to give it a look over (Although in that case, I do tend to keep standing offers in mind.) Before that, it stands too much of a chance of derailing me completely.

I'm reconsidering that in this case, but... only two extremely specific people.

[vilashna.livejournal.com]

I'm just saying, if you need to, I *KNOW* there are people in your life willing and able and honest.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Hugs are always welcome.

[eleanore-c.livejournal.com]

You can try to inject some humour somewhere. Even in the blackest situations, people can be witty. Black humour is still funny and can lighten things, and make them easier to take. And it makes books easier to read.

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Mom, you're doing the male communication thing again.

I didn't say it was humourless. Just dark. You know earlier drafts of the story. And much as you grumbled about the happy little bunny rabbits (or lack thereof), you know it wasn't relentless. it's changed a lot, but not that much.

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Actually, I should clarify further. I am not trying to figure out how to fix the work. The work doesn't need to be fixed. (See: there are pieces I love...it's not saying I suck as a writer, or that the writing itself is bad.)

I was observing a phenomenon in my own brain, not in the words on the paper.


(And I am counting on you knowing me well enough to know that neither of these messages, terse as they look to me, are meant in any nasty or even snarky way.)