A decision.
Feb. 3rd, 2006 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lenora_roseThis is the letter I just e-mailed to our Choir Director and Organist:
I've been doing a fair bit of thinking lately, and the sad conclusion is, I think I am going to have to drop choir entirely for the moment. I may be able to make another fair try at choir next September, when you resume after the summer break. But right now, I simply can't fit it in in any way that is fair to the choir, much less myself.
The first thing I want to emphasize is that this has nothing to do with any member of the choir. I like all of them, and several have made earnest efforts to make me feel welcome. I do sometimes feel an awkward fit, but I have felt that way when I began other activities, as well, and have found my place against far more uncomfortable beginnings, with fewer well-meaning people.
The problem is also not with the music, or with being in a choir. I did find it beneficial to my singing skill and to my music-reading, though the latter was still well behind what I would need to learn my part without the help of those who can read the music beside me. (Thankfully, you have blessedly patient and helpful altos.)
The problem is mostly and simply one of time. From here to June, I can only see my schedule getting worse. A great deal of this is related to wedding planning (My own mainly, but there are two other couples getting married this year whose preparations I have to take into account in ways other than just wishing them well on the day.)
I have also found myself forced to curtail other activities, as other practices have moved their focus to Thursdays and I found myself unable to follow. While these may not be activities so directly or obviously linked to God's work, they are ones whose absence makes a difference to my well-being. Nor am I remotely near skilled enough to follow Allen's lead and successfully contribute to the choir by attending only Sunday morning practices. To be useful, I would need to dedicate my full attention to the choir, and this simply isn't happening lately. (The lingering cough and throat problems from my last cold have not helped either, but that was a temporary issue.)
In an ideal world, I could work less and keep choir and all the activities I enjoy, but even if I do eventually get the work hour changes I have requested, they won't help my situation Thursday nights.
I have had to think hard about this, as I do want to contribute to the church in some way more substantial than simply sitting in a pew on Sundays. And as I said, September will bring changes that may make it more possible.
Please pass on at least my good wishes to the rest of the choir.
LRH
The "Other activity" I mention is archery. I fudged a little on the details (The Thursday practice hasn't moved as such -- but being unable to make it most Saturdays has aggravated the problem) went from practicing three times a week to practicing once a week, and occasionally, if I'm really lucky and not working, twice a week. I HATE that. I can *watch* my skill decline, and feel the difference. I hate it so much I'll give up another activity I like to get back a better shot at twice (and sometimes, if I'm lucky etc. three times). Archery isn't just some nice upper body activity, or my chance to be social with people I don't get to be social with as much as I otherwise like, though it's those, too. I associate it with stress relief and relaxation techniques. (Even with the extra stress of how cruddy I shoot.) Also, a certian kind of discipline. Plus, of course, focusing on distant targets, even only 20 yards, does counteract some of the computer eye strain in a way simply looking around at distant objects (walking home, staring out car windows, etc) does not.
Although I'm not lying about the wedding stuff, either. Oy. Brenna's doing a mehndi thing this next week, and it's the only weekday the store for our dresses is open late, so we've been having fun trying to get both bridesmaids in the same place at the same time.
I did ask Todd again about the work hours, mainly because he has commented lately on "Do you really ahve nothing to do?"
Yes. Yes freaking yes. (Okay, today isn't bad, or at least not as bad as last Friday. And the letter was copy-pasted, so while I do have the leisure time to make this entry, it's not as bad as it looks.)
He seems unwarrantedly concerned that a drop in hours and pay, even one I specifically requested, and gave suggestions how to implement, will make me decide I'm not making enough money and I should look for a new job. (Huh? And ignoring my request without sufficient explanation won't drive me elsewhere? It's not like this is a big business where I don't see the management and they don't know what I do.)
I've been doing a fair bit of thinking lately, and the sad conclusion is, I think I am going to have to drop choir entirely for the moment. I may be able to make another fair try at choir next September, when you resume after the summer break. But right now, I simply can't fit it in in any way that is fair to the choir, much less myself.
The first thing I want to emphasize is that this has nothing to do with any member of the choir. I like all of them, and several have made earnest efforts to make me feel welcome. I do sometimes feel an awkward fit, but I have felt that way when I began other activities, as well, and have found my place against far more uncomfortable beginnings, with fewer well-meaning people.
The problem is also not with the music, or with being in a choir. I did find it beneficial to my singing skill and to my music-reading, though the latter was still well behind what I would need to learn my part without the help of those who can read the music beside me. (Thankfully, you have blessedly patient and helpful altos.)
The problem is mostly and simply one of time. From here to June, I can only see my schedule getting worse. A great deal of this is related to wedding planning (My own mainly, but there are two other couples getting married this year whose preparations I have to take into account in ways other than just wishing them well on the day.)
I have also found myself forced to curtail other activities, as other practices have moved their focus to Thursdays and I found myself unable to follow. While these may not be activities so directly or obviously linked to God's work, they are ones whose absence makes a difference to my well-being. Nor am I remotely near skilled enough to follow Allen's lead and successfully contribute to the choir by attending only Sunday morning practices. To be useful, I would need to dedicate my full attention to the choir, and this simply isn't happening lately. (The lingering cough and throat problems from my last cold have not helped either, but that was a temporary issue.)
In an ideal world, I could work less and keep choir and all the activities I enjoy, but even if I do eventually get the work hour changes I have requested, they won't help my situation Thursday nights.
I have had to think hard about this, as I do want to contribute to the church in some way more substantial than simply sitting in a pew on Sundays. And as I said, September will bring changes that may make it more possible.
Please pass on at least my good wishes to the rest of the choir.
LRH
The "Other activity" I mention is archery. I fudged a little on the details (The Thursday practice hasn't moved as such -- but being unable to make it most Saturdays has aggravated the problem) went from practicing three times a week to practicing once a week, and occasionally, if I'm really lucky and not working, twice a week. I HATE that. I can *watch* my skill decline, and feel the difference. I hate it so much I'll give up another activity I like to get back a better shot at twice (and sometimes, if I'm lucky etc. three times). Archery isn't just some nice upper body activity, or my chance to be social with people I don't get to be social with as much as I otherwise like, though it's those, too. I associate it with stress relief and relaxation techniques. (Even with the extra stress of how cruddy I shoot.) Also, a certian kind of discipline. Plus, of course, focusing on distant targets, even only 20 yards, does counteract some of the computer eye strain in a way simply looking around at distant objects (walking home, staring out car windows, etc) does not.
Although I'm not lying about the wedding stuff, either. Oy. Brenna's doing a mehndi thing this next week, and it's the only weekday the store for our dresses is open late, so we've been having fun trying to get both bridesmaids in the same place at the same time.
I did ask Todd again about the work hours, mainly because he has commented lately on "Do you really ahve nothing to do?"
Yes. Yes freaking yes. (Okay, today isn't bad, or at least not as bad as last Friday. And the letter was copy-pasted, so while I do have the leisure time to make this entry, it's not as bad as it looks.)
He seems unwarrantedly concerned that a drop in hours and pay, even one I specifically requested, and gave suggestions how to implement, will make me decide I'm not making enough money and I should look for a new job. (Huh? And ignoring my request without sufficient explanation won't drive me elsewhere? It's not like this is a big business where I don't see the management and they don't know what I do.)
