In mid-air

[lenora_rose]

On Monday, at the Diggers meeting, I said something I hadn't articulated or realised until just then. Oddly, it was prompted by the whole circle being asked to tell how their week was. Not the most profound thing in a religious discussion, but it's the one I've been thinking about the most.

I replied, in essence:

"I'm not really in the here and now. I've been spending the past while living in the future or the past. I've got a trip coming up, and I've been spending a lot of time planning for that. I've also spent most of the last week working on Wedding plans, and I've also been looking at what's happening in the world, especially in the United States and trying to see what will come of it, since it's going to affect all our lives. I've also been looking back at where I've been, and how I got here. And when I'm writing, I'm in an entirely different world. It's interesting, but it's not really grounded, and I'm not sure it's all comfortable."

It was effectively true. There are other bits of planning ahead I didn't meantion, in fact -- I'm still wondering how long I'll stick with either my current job, with its particular problems, or even this kind of work. Too much computer is bad for my wrist, and the writing isn't going away.

(It also led to me saying to Colin later that night, "Want to live in the present a while?" which proved pleasingly effective.)

So it's been. I'm not here as much as I ought to be. Work isn't helping: I have to be grounded, but not for fun. I try not to neglect either Colin or my cat, but I wonder sometimes if I'm doing enough for either one. And writing - it's very here and now, I suppose, but not only am I in another world, I'm in another world on the brink of its own big change, and looking forward into that.

Oddly, the one really grounding thing seems to be the walk home. Most Winnipeg trees turn yellow at best, but there's still some Autumnal prettiness, and good weather, and nice gardens. I like focusing on the world then, yes, even though my walk home covers several of the crummiest areas in the city. I keep thinking it would be neat to take a sort of photojournal journey through the places I walk by every day, to show both the crud and the very decidedly not crud.

My plane leaves Sunday Morning! Yeeee! Am I ready? No, but I'm looking forward... in all senses, it seems.

Comments

Maybe ask?

[jamesl1580.livejournal.com]

The element that seems to most concern you is that you may neglect Colin or the Cat. Your Cat I expect will let you know if you are causing distress as that is the nature of a Cat. Each of you are bright and each able to put your ideas into words, so clear and perceptive communications is possible. You have both committed to make your life together work. To me, this means you have the capablity to solve problems of the nature you have identified. From what I understand, sucessful couples don't necessarily use any particular communication strategy, but rather allow a broad range of considerate modes of communication. I think expressing affection for each other helps promote communication (as well as just being generally kean) as does a kind of a playfulness/humour that helps to cut tension that can come when dealing with sensitive issues. You can probably work out ways to keep understanding and appreciating each other especially if you can lay some groundwork when things are going well.

Re: Maybe ask?

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Actually, that remark was more of the "looking forward and looking back." It's something I've done to people I care about before, getting too focused on some goal and letting the rest of the world fade into tunnel vision. And it's something I anticipate could become a future issue, if things go on in mid-air or mid-project for too long.

Nothing like this is happening this moment - for one thing, "Don't leave on a plane trip while there mgith be problems at home" is the macro version of "Don't go to bed still angry."

Also, ahving noticed I wasn't living in the present itself grounded me enough to do so some more. And to "cute" at Colin a fair bit.