Wedding and Marriage

[lenora_rose]

I spent Monday finally booking the church, parts of Wednesday evening looking over a possible reception hall (No thanks), deciding which reception hall to actually go with (The Winnipeg Winter Club, a hideous boxy building from the outside, but a surprisingly nice hall on the inside, and catered by a restaurant we've chosen to visit for several special occasions now, close to the church, and lots of parking.)

Thursday, I went off with my bridesmaids, to confirm that the dress Brannie adores is A) available in a shade of red that won't clash with the ruby trim on my dress, and B) looks good on my other bridesmaid, too.

Friday, the woman from the Winter Club called back and the date is confirmed so long as I mail in the cheque. (So I guess I have to find the d***ed thing. I do most bills by cash or debit.) I've decided I will need a Web Page for the Wedding (Probably just a sub-page on my existing Web Site), just for all the directions for out-of-tonwers, and all the details of things like parking availability. I swear I won't make it too romantic, too cheesy, or too religious. I also probably won't make it until the new year. Not like the Web Site doesn't need a bit of updating -- it doesn't even link *here*.

But I've been thinking about the "How we met" related stuff, too, this week, and some parts of it made me smile.

 It's all  senekal 's fault. {Snark}For those who seem to doubt anything good comes of knowing Mike, so there! {/snark}

See, Mike sometimes mentioned a friend who'd moved off to somewhere in BC. I knew of this person mostly as the one who sent him Babylon 5 tapes far far far too slowly, and got Mike hooked, then did the same to the lot of us he didn't even know! Darn SF TV pushers. (From what I'm hearing of Firefly from sun_in_her_hair and Brannie, it sounds like they're both still at it...)

 Anyhow, said friend was moving back to Winnipeg, and apparantly one of the first things he did was call Mike and ask him, "So are you running a role-playing game I can join? Please?" (Mike's not a good player -- great character concepts, insufficient sense of teamwork -- but a darn good GM.)

Mike did, as it happened. Enter Colin.

My first impression was of a reasonably cute blond quiet man with a goatee and a small nose ring. It didn't take long to learn that when he did talk he had great comic timing, and intelligent things to say. (During some of this time, I was dating a pretty but careless young man, and another part dating an old friend to try and get his repetitive urge to get romantic feelings about me because I was female and close out of his system once and for all -- not that I thought of it that way at the time. It also didn't work, no surprise -- he learned without a doubt we weren't suited, but that didn't stop him throwing a jealous fit should I look elsewhere.)

Colin moved in with Mike for a little while, until he bought his own house, where, at his housewarming party, I also discovered he had a copy of Neverwhere, and got to see that series at last. (More SF TV pushing!) 

Havig been in the SCA, in and out of Winnipeg before, he started going out regularly to Castel Rouge activities - most particularly archery. Since I was scarcely out of his way on the way to archery, he ended up becoming my most regular ride. This meant a lot of time alone in his car talking. Alone, Colin talks a lot more, and somebody who's lived in Kenya as well as BC and Winnipeg, travelled a fair bit, and has parents as eccentric as his dad is can have a suprising lot to say. I still had no clue what I was in for, but I had decided I liked this guy as another friend to hang out with.

Stuff happened. Time passed. Much archery was done.

One day, at the range, I made the observation to another lady that as far as I could tell, I had either dated, or determined I didn't want to date -- or both -- every unpartnered male of a reasonable age within Castel Rouge. (The number is smaller than you'd think, but it's mostly true. One female, too.)

Colin pointed out that I was also taken, wasn't I?

I told him I'd broken up with my last boyfriend about a month before.

He said. "So do you want to go out?"

I stammered something about "Oops! I guess there is one charming one left," but it was a kind of smack-me-with-a-two-by-four moment, as I hadn't consciously thought of him in that light.

But apparantly my unconscious had, because it seemed to make perfect sense. So, on a Thursday in late October, about a week to World Fantasy Con Minneapolis, and just a couple of weeks after I started working for the Bakery as a temp (October was the very very obvious upswing after a year-long spell of bad stuff happening in my life), our session at archery practice seemed to turn itself into an actual date. We were being googly-eyed at each other, hugging, and all -- which kind of ended up with a downswing when the super-jealous ex-boyfriend decided that was the week, after a lot of saying, "one of these days I will..." when he would stop by at the archery range.

After extended awkwardness where everyone was trying desperately to be polite while wanting to say something rude or nasty or unwarranted (Well, I was and the super-jealous ex was - I doubt Colin was,) he went one way, and Colin and I stopped somewhere for dinner. Probably Chinese (Once in Japan, Colin was told by the man whose house they were staying in that he used chopsticks better than the man's own sons).

And things went on from there. We dated, we got intimate, we outright had sex, we met each other's families, we had an anniversary. He teased me a lot about the amount of time I spend brushing my hair or worrying it's a mess. His tenant moved out in the winter. We moved in together in August 2004, when the apartment was starting to get silly. (Due to his back-to-school thing, Jeff moved into the third bedroom). We moved in, alas, while the renovations were incomplete, and had to contend with a living room gridlocked with silly amounts of furniture and boxes for a while. This is when I first learned I do absolutely need a study of my own, since it was the first time I'd had to make do without.

He meets my Dad, step-mom, and the rest of my Edmonton family at Christmas 2004, the first time *I've* been there in 10 years. And this last February, his family were over visiting. I like his parents; his dad is weird, but in interesting and good ways, and is supremely social. His mom is quieter, subtler, but just as friendly, as she certainly has her witty moments (She also cleans our house too much). It's become obvious that they assume I'm going to be around for a while, and I'm privately betting that Colin is getting pestered about it when I'm not there. But we go for a full blown sushi night out on Saturday the week after Valentine's (We did nothing for Valentine's itself, which was deliberate and outright demanded on my part, but by the last week of their stay, I needed some time just with him), and while we're still smiling and flirting at each other, nothing untoward happens.

They leave Monday morning on the 22nd. It's also my day off work, so I sleep in, eat lunch late, enjoy the fact that I can work on the 'puter without having to consider the peopel staying in the room. Colin gets home, and is surprised to see me home (Which is extra funny as he'd called me once in the afternoon already). We talk dinner, realise we're neither of us hungry, so we'll just stop off for subs on the way to archery a few hours later. So I ask him what we should do instead.

"Well, we could get married," he says.

About the moment I realise the question *is* in earnest, I collapse against him, as the nearest object I can lean on that I *know* will hold me up when my knees won't. And since my forehead is pressed to his chest, it's a place where I don't have to look him in the eyes.

One of the first coherent things out of my mouth is, "Don't do that!"

This gets repeated a few times through the next several minutes. Eventually, I make my way to the comfortable chair, sit down. There's some coherent discussion of what this would entail, some more incoherent confusion, and, becuase it's true, and it will make him laugh, "But my hair's a mess!"

Now, I'm commitment shy, so moving in together was already a big step. The reason I'm commitment shy though, isn't because I want to "keep playing", but because I never wanted to marry before I could be reasonably sure (As sure as anyone can be) that I'd be willing to work at this enough to make it last for real. No "We can just get divorced" crud. I've said it before -- I don't know the future, so I can't say we'll never ever ever get divorced. But I won't marry assuming it's an option.

So it takes me half an hour to work up the courage to say yes. Not because it's the wrong answer, but because of how huge a change it was going to be. And when I do, I stand up, right next to him where he's sitting, and look him in the eye to do it.

The panic turns to relief, and the edge to giggles. He calls his sister and his parents, I call my mom (And I make a really really long story out of it. At least as long as this but verbal. She cannot figure out the giggling fits for a while.)

I'm still a little scared. But I'm more feeling good. Colin's a good person, which is important, he's been good for me in some ways, which is more important. (Except on the waistline and fitness sides -- we're neither of us so good at that, and I'm the dedicated walker.) Do I wish some things were different? Well, yes. I don't doubt he wishes some things were different about me. Nothing that's on a level that really matters.

It's not very romantic. No whirlwinds. No 'struck by his good looks', no one-liner that swept me up. My worst relationships were based on physical attraction, so I've been weaned off going by the first "oooh!" visual impression. I decided well before I met Colin that I prefer to fall in love by conversation in groups, then more personal connection, friendship bending its way around to interest.

It's funny; I get accused of being over-emotional a lot. Yet I also have this habit of thinking things through very carefully, both introspectively and by way of analyzing the experience to anticipate problems and positives both.  So this is the intellectual side of me talking.

The emotional side does have a thought about Colin, though. It's something on the lines of:

"SQUEEEE!"

Comments

Not romantic?

[jamesl1580.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I can think of anything more romantic than falling in love as and because you really get to know someone.

Much Happiness & Good Fortune
James

Re: Not romantic?

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Well, I believe so. And yes, to many of my friends, advocating taking the time to get to know someone is preaching to the choir. But I have met people who want to rush into the whole concept of marriage and commitment and "forever".

Contrary to popular belief, it's no less common in guys to lust after commitment than it is for women, and to think there's something wrong with gradual slow-building love.

Hey! Don't you know that...

[senekal.livejournal.com]

You're not allowed to blame me for anything good happening! I'm the font of all evil, the four horsemen of the apocalypse and just plain mean! Ask anyone.

(Do you have any idea how much work it is to be all four horsemen at once? I tellya - it's not easy. What with having four butts to mount on four saddles - spreading bugs in one place and strife in another at the same time...)

Seriously though - I'm really happy for both you guys. Very much so.

James'll likely pass this along, but I'm planning a Traveller one-shot for Monday. You're both invited if you and Colin are free. Don't recall right now if you've met Amy or not, but she'll be playing if you haven't.

*Hug*

Miss you guys.