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Jan. 9th, 2011 12:50 amI find it slightly disturbing that when I'm feeling down, I find going to church rather harder than it ought to be. As in, I went to a friend's place Friday night specifically because I knew I'd feel better. Ditto with seeing mom today. Ditto with rereading DWJ (The Homeward Bounders in this case -- though there's something about using *that* one as comfort reading...) So it isn't the "Being social is hard" effect I sometimes have as a mild introvert. (Though I would like a great deal to have a few hours genuinely ALONE in the house, not just closed in another room).
Part of it is that neither Colin nor I are really deeply connected to the community. We're there, we do things with and for the church, but we don't have many deep close friends that way. Actually, depending on where your line is between friend and "acquaintance I like", some might argue we don't have many friends there. (I know a few people I would call friends, but I had the debate about where friend and acquaintance break off with at least one person whose definition was widely different from mine). So that while I like the community there as a whole when I'm down, they aren't the people I'd reach for for consolation or comfort or to forget.
Put it this way; NOBODY at church at this point knows about either miscarriage.
Doesn't help that the last non-Christmas service I attended made me burst into tears. Or that when the minister's wife actually noticed that fact, and checked on me, I promised that that I'd e-mail L. (the minister) and explain to her what was going on. And I didn't.
And now I'm bothered by an entirely different issue (It's work stuff, but since one of the problems I'm having right now is a total lack of information or communication, I can't explain further yet), and so I really don't want to be corralled about that incident.
Part of it is that neither Colin nor I are really deeply connected to the community. We're there, we do things with and for the church, but we don't have many deep close friends that way. Actually, depending on where your line is between friend and "acquaintance I like", some might argue we don't have many friends there. (I know a few people I would call friends, but I had the debate about where friend and acquaintance break off with at least one person whose definition was widely different from mine). So that while I like the community there as a whole when I'm down, they aren't the people I'd reach for for consolation or comfort or to forget.
Put it this way; NOBODY at church at this point knows about either miscarriage.
Doesn't help that the last non-Christmas service I attended made me burst into tears. Or that when the minister's wife actually noticed that fact, and checked on me, I promised that that I'd e-mail L. (the minister) and explain to her what was going on. And I didn't.
And now I'm bothered by an entirely different issue (It's work stuff, but since one of the problems I'm having right now is a total lack of information or communication, I can't explain further yet), and so I really don't want to be corralled about that incident.
